Tuesday, October 13, 2009

My Story

What a process getting pregnant had been!

For me, I knew I always wanted to be a young mom.  My mom was in her early twenties when she and my dad had me and my two sisters, and we are all very close together.  When I met my husband Josh when I was 18 in 2000, I just knew.  I knew we were going to get married and I knew one day we would have children.   It was always in my life plan to become a young mom.  If you would have asked me at 18, I would probably have 2 kids by the time I was 26. 

Josh and I were engaged by the time I was 20.  I was going to be married at 22, so of course, I would have kids according to my life plan.  We discussed having three, but we knew we wanted to be married a little while first.

Well, as young love goes, Josh and I broke up, got back together, broke up again, got back together.  Now as a 27 year old looking back on it, it was all stupid and trivial and embarrassing to even discuss.  When we got back together, we dated again quite a bit before the thought of becoming re-engaged entered our (well, Josh's...) mind.  We had to make sure we built up our foundation again.  In August of 2004, Josh proposed again.  I was 23 years old. 

Because we wanted me to complete school (I was going for my Bachelors degree for Secondary English Education) we picked a wedding date of May 6, 2006.  It was perfect.  I would be just shy of 25 when we got married.

While waiting for the wedding, Josh and I talked about kids.  At the time, since I was so busy and broke because of school and student teaching, not to mention all the relationship stress Josh and I had previously been through, kids were the last thing that we wanted.  We always said that we would be married and focusing on eachother for at least, 3 years. 

The plan was going well....until my niece Scarlett was born. 

I have two nieces, Aurora, who is 3 and a half, and Scarlett, who will be two this April. 

I wasn't there for Aurora's birth, but I was able to be there for Scarlett's.  Just being there for that miraculous event and seeing my sister with her newborn and just myself, getting to hold a newborn so quickly after she was born, was amazing to me.  I jumped into my car at the end of that day (April 4, 2008) and drove the 2 hour ride home to tell my husband, that right then and now, I couldn't wait to have a baby with him. 

The thought of babies infiltrated my brain since that moment.  I was convinced that Josh would want the same thing too.
The shock of him wanting to wait was very upsetting to me.  He had very valid reasons, like finances, and how much time we were able to spend at home, and at the time, I didn't have my career yet and was working retail so he wanted me to have my one year as a career woman, something that I did always talk about.  But since Scarlett, I didn't care about any of that...I just wanted to be pregnant.

In October of 2008 I got my first teaching position on contract.  I was finally a high school English teacher.  Josh was really wise about wanting to wait til that first year was over with...it was a hectic one, and if I wasn't at school, I was in my home office doing school work.  But when I went to bed to dream at night, I dreampt of our furture baby. 

It wsa really hard for me to wait for Josh.  And our marriage suffered quite a bit.  After being with me for 9 years, why was he so hesitant to want a baby with me?  I took it all very personally and didn't understand him.  There were constant fights...bad ones.  There were a list of resentments.  I know its wrong to keep records of such, but in my desire to have a baby, I forgot right vs wrong.  I was already going on 27...his making me wait was not part of my life plan.

Then, on Mothers Day 2009, Josh gave me a card with flowers and it said it would be the last Mother's Day without a baby in my arms.  I was thrilled!  He finally wanted to try! 

We started trying the first of June, and I found out I was pregnant by July 8, right before Josh's 30th birthday.  My whole life with Josh I always imagined how I would tell him I was pregnant, what special way I would tell him.  As soon as the line was a faint double line, I called my sister Casey, because I didn't believe it.  I then proceeded to buy about 8 more tests to confirm my results, which all came back positive.

I remember jumping up and down throughout my house.  I was ecstatic.  My dreams were coming true.  I was planning on waiting til the next day, to tell Josh on his actual birthday, but as soon as he came home from work that day, he leaned down to kiss me hello, and I just blurted out, "I'm pregnant!"   
We told our parents shortly after that...and told everyone I think within a week.  We couldn't wait, we were too excited.  I think I was 5 weeks along when I found out. 
The next 11 weeks are Gabriel's story. 

No comments:

Post a Comment