Wednesday, June 22, 2011

"They were wanted, were real, are loved, are grieved, and will be remembered forever."

That is the amazing quote that is on Gabriel's grave site, the grave site for all babies born too soon (under 20 weeks) in my area. 



We went for a visit on Memorial Day.  Josh and I had an interesting conversation about Gabriel recently.  I have been disappointed and offended for quite sometime, as Josh refuses to read this blog.  I write about our son, to our son, and even about our daughter, yet, my husband won't read it.  Strangers, friends, and family care about what I have to say, but my own husband can't stand to look at it.  At first,  I didn't understand.  It was hurtful to me.  But then he said it was just too hard.  He equated it to me not going to see Gabriel. 

I don't go to the site very often.  Its hard.  Its hard to know that there lies my son, with hundreds of others, who were just taken from loving parents because sometimes, life isn't fair.  Its hard to be there, and even when I visited on Memorial Day, I was there for only seconds.

To this day, I can't stand the thought of him being anywhere than in my arms.  So I get what Josh is saying.

On this day, we took a yellow rose to him.  Around Christmas, we took a green and yellow elephant.  I was happy to see that the same elephant was still there, several months later.  It made my heart happy to see that he still had his elephant and that the weather or groundskeeper didn't take it. 
It made my heart happy just to think of him. 

Someone said that Lucy was looking blonder by the day.  She is.  She is the spitting image of her daddy.  That same person then said, "maybe the next one will look like you."

Maybe Gabriel does.    Whose to say that he isn't sitting up there fishing with Great Grandpa Chet, looking like the spitting image of his mother?