Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Rain, Rain, Go Away!!! And Take the TV with You!!

I have had quite a bit of "mommy guilt" lately.  I did this last year too, where I start out the summer all "gung-ho" about planning fun stuff for Lucy and I to do.  See, my life is all about planning.

I plan the weekly grocery list, and if it is not written down precisely on a list, I cannot go to the store. 

I plan how much money I have by constantly looking at, writing down, and tweaking my budget.

I plan lessons for my students, even in the summer.

I plan out my weekends.

I plan out how I want my house decorated.

I plan, I plan, I plan.

I am not a fly-by-the-seat of my pants person, and I am very much like that as a mom.  I wanted to plan weekly activities and crafts, and I did it one week before I realized...this is NOT going to work.

I can't check Lucy off of a fact, she is really in charge of our daily routine.  Her mood dictates the whole day sometimes.  Sometimes, she just wants to play outside at her water table and sandbox.  As a planner, my insides scream: "we can't, because we haven't done our learning activity!!!"

Then I get mad for being a planner.  It is way more work to plan.  I work so much all of the time, I don't want it to be work to stay home with my kid.  And lately, it has been starting to feel like work. 

So this week, I have eased up a bit.  So what if I don't hit the park by 10:00 A.M. every morning.  Leaving at 11 because Lucy wants to play with her toys won't make me a bad mom.

I will tell you what has though (not that I am a bad mom, but why I have guilty feelings).

This week has been really rainy, so Lucy has been playing in the house a lot.  I started watching court TV, especially with the whole Zimmerman trial.  I don't watch it for entertainment purposes, but I am really fascinated lately with our judicial system, and how the media portrays certain situations (well, all situations).  So, I have left it on in the background, and have it on in the car, and get updates on my phone, yadda yadda.

Yesterday, I had the worst headache. And I think its because of having the TV and phone in front of me all the time lately.  I am a big advocate of technology, but also a big advocate of creativity and reading, and activity.  During the school year, my DVR is always 99 percent full because I never watch anything, I just record it for a snow day or nap times....then I never watch it.  Lucy is only allowed 2 episodes of TV a day (unless Daddy lets her watch more) and yet, I find myself watching it all day for this trial.  Granted, I think the trial symbolizes so much for our country right now, which is why I am hooked, but I won't get into that here.  However, I also found myself turning on TV for Lucy just so that she would leave me alone so that I could continuously watch the trial in the kitchen.  I would get mad that she wouldn't nap, because it cut into my trial time.

What in the heck am I doing???

 As a parent and a career-oriented person, there has to be a proper balance of "me time" and responsibility time.  With that being said, this week has all been about the obsessive part of me that usually only comes out in my cleaning or nagging of my husband.  And I have been surprised at myself.

So, right now, right here, I make two promises.  One, I will not over-plan my summer with Lucy.  I have to accept that her learning or brilliance will not suffer simply because we play outside all day.  And two, I will not let HLN ruin my time with Lucy.  I will save my obsessiveness for my house and husband only.

Til next time,


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