Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Facebook Slapped Me in the Face

I enjoy getting on Facebook.  I am almost obsessed with status updates.  It really is a convenient way to catch up with everyone and know what they are up to.

Today I signed on and as I was checking the updates of my friends, I saw a tab at the right that said..see what Megan was up to this day in 2009. 

2009.....I was pregnant with Gabriel at this time in 2009. 

I almost didn't click on the tab.  It sounds awful, but I haven't thought about him in awhile.  I will always love Gabriel, and so much of me now is because of him and that experience.  Everything changed, the way I think, the way I believe, the way I love, the way I question, the way I pray...my whole being is different.  So because of that, Gabe is always with me.  But, I am not walking around in a haze anymore, so in that regard, I haven't thought about him. 

I did click on the tab, and it said, "Megan Cole-Kosakowski is exhausted from planning the school week. But on the bright side, my first ultrasound is tomorrow and I get to leave school early at 2 :-)"


I just sat there, staring at it.  Lucy was playing on the floor next to me, but its like..I heard no sound in the room.  I just kept staring at it.  This was the last day in 2009 that I was happy.  Ignorant bliss.  It was the next day that I was to find out that something was wrong with my baby.

Ever since reading that today, I have been walking around feeling like I have been slapped in the face.  Or punched in the gut......

1 comment:

  1. isn't FB wonderful? i'm so sorry you had to deal with that. it's like those innocent people that ask how many babies we have... they have NO IDEA that one simple question can rip your heart out, slice it to shreds and leave you crying for the next month. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    ((((((((hugs)))))))) i will think of your sweet gabriel today as i think of all of mine waiting for me in heaven.