Surprise! I haven't updated my blog (sarcasm implied).
Between Lucy, work, and work associated with work, I am crazy busy, Today Lucy is at "school,"enjoying an Easter party, and I was going to work, but Surprise! I cannot find the motivation. I keep coming back to my computer, knowing I should work, but mad that I have to, considering I am on Spring Break. So, Surprise! I have been slacking, then Surprise!...beating myself up afterwards. I just want a normal life....being off when I am off......
Because of work, and wanting a professional change, Josh and I have made a decision to not try for another baby until 2013. Surprise!
This is a surprise to me...considering all that we went through with Gabriel, I thought that I would want to be pregnant as many times as God blessed me.
But we aren't in a financial position right now to do that...and although we are on our way, I need another year of stability, of making money, of applying for jobs that will be better for my reproductive future. And the surprise of it all, is that I am okay with that. Lucy is so exhausting. I love her sooooo much....and I am enjoying just being with her. I am scared to add to my family...with a job I have now. I can't handle literally one more thing on my plate.
And Surprise! , that decision, makes me sad.
I lost my son, Gabriel, when I was almost 20 weeks pregnant. He had a rare abdominal cyst that stopped his tiny heart. I had to give birth to him on October 2, 2009. Because of him, I live my life completely different than I did before. I wanted to chronicle everything in my life...I am a writer once again...because of my sweet Gabriel.
