No matter how hard I pray...I am not getting a baby...again.
This time it was a horrible tease...as I did get a positive test. It did say Pregnant. Then...my cycle started. I felt myself unraveling again, as this was the same case as my ectopic...I was told to wait and see and test again when it stopped. It was negative. Explaination? "Chemical Pregnancy" where the body recognizes you as pregnant, but then..it can't implant like it should and results in a normal cycle. Its common I guess. It is classified as an early miscarriage or non-existant pregnancy.
I got to be excited a total of one day.
I can't do this anymore. I am going to stop.
I lost my son, Gabriel, when I was almost 20 weeks pregnant. He had a rare abdominal cyst that stopped his tiny heart. I had to give birth to him on October 2, 2009. Because of him, I live my life completely different than I did before. I wanted to chronicle everything in my life...I am a writer once again...because of my sweet Gabriel.
So sorry, Megan. I am praying for you. xxx
ReplyDeleteMegan,
ReplyDeleteI understand "exactly" how you feel. The disappointment is so incredibly painful and the trying and trying gets exhausting. Not to mention that we are also grieving our lost children and working very hard to find some balance in our lives once again.
I will encourage you though...don't give up. I've felt the need to QUIT many times over the past year, but know that if I want to mother and earthly child I must stay the course. So, I trudge on, journey uphill and hit pot holes along the way. And, for every hill I climb and pot hole I side step there is someone holding my hand along the way and whispering in my ear "don't give up, don't give in, just don't quit" I'll be that voice in you ear :)
Lifing you up in prayer,
xoxo
Andrea
Please don't give up Megan. Don't give up your dream. Trying is exhausting, nerve wracking and can be disappointing...combined with the grief of a loss, it's amazing that you're trying again in the first place. Give yourself credit for coming as far as you have, keep your chin up and remember what you want most...everything else will fall into place, I promise! ((HUGS))
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