We are almost upon it...Testing Time again...third cycle of trying.
I have been proud of myself. I stuck to my word and I didn't go all crazy this cycle. No ovulation kits, no thermometer. No worries. We didn't really even try all that often, we let ourselves be tired. So...this month is probably a bust, and I am okay with that, really.
I ran into a great friend of mine yesterday. What a fluke and a half that was! Jenny has been my pal since high school and is currently a missionary in Mexico. She lost her baby back in February at 11 weeks gestation or so. I think I mentioned her on here before.
Anyway, so I went to the grocery store yesterday, and on my way home decided to stop at Fashion Bug to see what the latest sale was, and out pops Jenny. She was only in town for 22 hours! Popping in at her home church. We were so excited to see eachother, and of course the inevitable discussion of babies came up. She said the most amazing thing to me.
"Jon (her hubby) and I are perfectly happy and in love without a baby, adding a baby would mean being able to share our incredible love with someone else, and if that doesn't happen, then we won't be any less in love or happy, we might even find another way to share that amazing love."
Wow. Left me speechless and my heart warmed. Sometimes, I can't remember when the last time we were just Megan and Josh without talking about babies....
Jenny's quote popped into my mind last night when Josh and I were talking about our future pregnancy that we are trying so hard for. Getting pregnant doesn't seem to be the biggest hurdle..there are questions about growing in my tube again, and is the bowel going to form properly and not cause another fatal cyst...will we actually get to hold this baby in our arms? I started to get panicky because he was right..getting pregnant seems like a small hurdle in comparison to those questions...then I thought of Jenny.
All we can do is love eachother, and try to get there, and if not, we have to be okay with that too, no matter how hard the journey.
I lost my son, Gabriel, when I was almost 20 weeks pregnant. He had a rare abdominal cyst that stopped his tiny heart. I had to give birth to him on October 2, 2009. Because of him, I live my life completely different than I did before. I wanted to chronicle everything in my life...I am a writer once again...because of my sweet Gabriel.
That's beautiful, Megan. xxx
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