Facebook Slapped Me in the Face

I enjoy getting on Facebook.  I am almost obsessed with status updates.  It really is a convenient way to catch up with everyone and know what they are up to.

Today I signed on and as I was checking the updates of my friends, I saw a tab at the right that said..see what Megan was up to this day in 2009. 

2009.....I was pregnant with Gabriel at this time in 2009. 

I almost didn't click on the tab.  It sounds awful, but I haven't thought about him in awhile.  I will always love Gabriel, and so much of me now is because of him and that experience.  Everything changed, the way I think, the way I believe, the way I love, the way I question, the way I pray...my whole being is different.  So because of that, Gabe is always with me.  But, I am not walking around in a haze anymore, so in that regard, I haven't thought about him. 

I did click on the tab, and it said, "Megan Cole-Kosakowski is exhausted from planning the school week. But on the bright side, my first ultrasound is tomorrow and I get to leave school early at 2 :-)"

Slap.

I just sat there, staring at it.  Lucy was playing on the floor next to me, but its like..I heard no sound in the room.  I just kept staring at it.  This was the last day in 2009 that I was happy.  Ignorant bliss.  It was the next day that I was to find out that something was wrong with my baby.

Ever since reading that today, I have been walking around feeling like I have been slapped in the face.  Or punched in the gut......