I finally felt fresh air....

Yesterday I took a day off of work because I had an appointment with a new OBGYN.  The appointment was at 2, but I figured if I was going to take a half day I might as well take a full one and sleep in. 

I was nervous for a few reasons, one being that this is a male doctor and although I have heard that he is wonderful, I have only ever seen a female OBGYN and I just didn't want my face to get red or feel uncomfortable.  Two, whenever I talk about my previous experience with Gabriel and the treatment I received from both my old doctor's office and Toledo Hospital, I tend to get mad and emotional, and I didn't want to look like an idiot in front of this man.  Third, I was nervous that he would tell me to not try for another baby until we do finally get a pathology report, like my previous doctor recommended.

I sat in his office waiting for him.  When he walked in, immediately my face turned red.  Crap, he isn't half bad looking.  I have to talk about periods with this guy?  Shit.

He looked at my chart, and then asked why I switched.  I didn't start my story from day 1...I just told him that I was a new mom, that was told that something was wrong with my baby, was given 25 medical possibilities for a cyst in a language that I did not understand, and then I was encouraged to terminate my baby.  I told him that I got a CVS without knowing what was wrong with my baby, because no one explained it to me.  I told him that every time I deal with my old doctors office, I get a different answer about his pathology report, or where his body even is.  The short of it, I was never mad at the doctors about his diagnosis, I was upset that I wasn't educated, taken care of, and time wasn't spent with my husband or myself explaining what was going on with Gabe when he was with me.  I felt alone. 

He told me that if this were to God forbid occur again, that we would have several "heart-to-hearts" about steps to take, and in detail, he went over my chart and he educated me about Gabe's cyst.  He talked to me about it like no one previously had before.  He said that his gut believes that this was a fluke and that it isn't genetic, but he wants to analyze the path report, whenever it shows up.  He encouraged Josh and I to begin trying for kids right away (we already are, but its nice to have my doctor's approval).  He sat with me for 45 minutes talking about how my next pregnancy will be different.  He introduced me to his staff, and told his secretary to personally call Toledo Hospital to obtain the path reports ASAP.  He told me he hoped to see me in a month or two with a positive test.

I walked out of there, and realized that I walked out of there happy, finally having approval to move on...
happy to have finally had a conversation about Gabriel that made me feel okay with his diagnosis...feeling like I am in good hands for the next one.  He made me not feel so scared about next time. 

It was like a breath of fresh air.  And today, I feel lighter.