33 Weeks

I thought it would take forever to hit the 30 something week mark!  Now it seems like time won't slow down and Lucy will be here before I know it....and I am panicky.  Excited, but panicky.

How far along:33 weeks :-)  At my growth scan last week they said she was measuring almost 2 weeks ahead though, and she is just about 5 pounds already!  Holy Moly! 

Best Moment This Week:
We passed Christmas and it was so nice having everyone get together, on both my side and Josh's side.  Everyone keeps talking about how different next year is going to be, with a 10 month old at Christmas.  I got to do a lot of daydreaming about that, so that was nice.  I also am on Christmas break from school, and now that I have to have weekly Non-Stress Tests due to high blood pressure, my blood pressure has been the lowest its ever been since 14 weeks.  Maybe my crazy job has something to do with it. 

Cravings/Aversions:
This is a hard one, because Lucy is so big now that she literally squishes my insides.  I have to eat in very small increments or I feel so awful.  I am Christmas cookied out...and I haven't really enjoyed sweets this holiday season as much as I usually do.  I ate a veggie pizza the other day that was to die for...and I have been enjoying salad with Italian dressing...but eating is usually painful now! 

What I miss:
Hmm...sleeping normally.  And not having to go to the doctor so much!  I go once a week now to see the doctor and have a Non-Stress Test.  I feel like I live there! lol.  I can't get comfortable at night so I flop around a lot, I keep my poor husband awake.  But...this is all worth it. I don't sleep very well because on one of my NSTs, I was laying on my side and Lucy was on her cord, I saw her heart rate drop very suddenly on the monitor and I got very scared...so now I wake up multiple times when I realize I am on my sides....


What I'm looking forward to:
Maternity leave!  lol.  My showers are  also January 9th and 16th, so I am really looking forward to those, and I really want time to get organized and ready for LuLu.   I need to practice installing the car seat.  We also signed up for birthing classes, so I am kinda excited about those, and I am looking into a breastfeeding course.  I am just looking forward to being a mommy!

Emotions:
Well, I am a heck of a lot more anxious lately.  I am tired a lot...crabby due to lack of sleep.  If anything, I just keep getting more and more excited.  I was a bit sad this Christmas, so many people were telling me that next year will be so different, playing Santa and all of that, and I couldn't help thinking of my precious Gabriel, and how I should have been doing that stuff already.  It made me feel robbed all over again. 

Weekly Wisdom:
I am not wisdomatic this week.  I am on holiday break, so I turned my brain off on purpose, lol!

Anything Else to Share:
I finally went out to the cemetery for baby Gabe.  We left him a stuffed elephant.  We didn't stay long, but it felt wonderful going.  I never thought I would have to go to a cemetery to visit one of my children.  It is still so surreal sometimes.  I feel like I am healing though, and with Lucy coming, I do want to strengthen my relationship with God....I don't want to be so mad at Him sometimes, especially since I have been finally blessed with Lucy.  I am working on it.